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99% of the time people dont have a clue what's in your head
2012
unknownj
Self perception can be a tricky business... When the people who go on Big Brother talk about how they're doing it because they want to learn more about themselves, what they really mean is that they want to be able to see how they come across - understand themselves as others see them. And short of flinging yourself into reality TV, it's not an easy thing to do.

There's a few clues to how people see me... At Reading, Stu seemed to think I wanted to be the centre of attention - is that how I come across? And generally, people seem to generally treat me differently to how I would imagine they would, which means that my perception of how I am must be a little off base...

I think most of my self-image comes from how I saw myself up until the age of about seventeen... I was dramatically different, and I'm glad that I didn't have a journal back then, since I would probably read it and cringe - I can't even look back two years without wondering how I ever got by like I used to be.

So, for an exercise, here's more or less how I'd introduce myself four years ago:
My name is James, and I'm 16 going on 25. I'm really shy, and can't really talk to strangers. Everybody sees me as a total geek, but I try not to care because I have a couple of good friends. I don't really go out, because there's nowhere around here to go, and I don't drink because I'm morally opposed to the idea of altering my state of consciousness with chemicals. I've never kissed a girl, or really had a proper girlfriend.
Yes, that's really what I was like. And I still see myself like that, more or less. I walk around convinced that everybody sees me as a total loner geek, even though I've a suspicion that they might not. I'm still one of the most shy people I know, despite significant evidence to the contrary...

I dunno, maybe I'm not like that any more... Maybe I really have stopped being a shy loser geek. Or maybe I've just convinced myself of that in order to feel better about myself....

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yayayayay! what time is the tattoo appointment? cause i have a guitar lesson at 11am on monday morning, but after that i should be kinda free, but you gotta tell me cause i need to book the time off work

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