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99% of the time people dont have a clue what's in your head
Self perception can be a tricky business... When the people who go on Big Brother talk about how they're doing it because they want to learn more about themselves, what they really mean is that they want to be able to see how they come across - understand themselves as others see them. And short of flinging yourself into reality TV, it's not an easy thing to do.

There's a few clues to how people see me... At Reading, Stu seemed to think I wanted to be the centre of attention - is that how I come across? And generally, people seem to generally treat me differently to how I would imagine they would, which means that my perception of how I am must be a little off base...

I think most of my self-image comes from how I saw myself up until the age of about seventeen... I was dramatically different, and I'm glad that I didn't have a journal back then, since I would probably read it and cringe - I can't even look back two years without wondering how I ever got by like I used to be.

So, for an exercise, here's more or less how I'd introduce myself four years ago:
My name is James, and I'm 16 going on 25. I'm really shy, and can't really talk to strangers. Everybody sees me as a total geek, but I try not to care because I have a couple of good friends. I don't really go out, because there's nowhere around here to go, and I don't drink because I'm morally opposed to the idea of altering my state of consciousness with chemicals. I've never kissed a girl, or really had a proper girlfriend.
Yes, that's really what I was like. And I still see myself like that, more or less. I walk around convinced that everybody sees me as a total loner geek, even though I've a suspicion that they might not. I'm still one of the most shy people I know, despite significant evidence to the contrary...

I dunno, maybe I'm not like that any more... Maybe I really have stopped being a shy loser geek. Or maybe I've just convinced myself of that in order to feel better about myself....

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Not in the way he was worried he had, I think.... I had never even realised that I try to be the centre of attention. But now that I think about it, I guess maybe I do sometimes.... It just hasn't ever really been pointed out to me like that.

I see it as a good thing - I don't want to be shy and stuff. I just hadn't realised that I'd stopped :o)

aww bless ya ;P hehe being shy can be very cute and a huge thingy of attraction to some girlies y'know so dont be hard on yourself for once being that yuss? but yuss not being it is also a good thing for you personally yesh ::nods:: and i'm talking bollocks.. hrmmk maybe i should just go hack up my lungs a bit over there ::points::

Well I'm still shy deep down - maybe that'll work... But I seem to be able to like, talk to people and stuff... which is good... I think :o)

And if you want to hack up, come here - I have tissues and stuff, for I too am ill :o\

heheh yesh talking good, as you see i'm a nervous talker ::nods:: either that or i like the sound of my own voice... hrmmm you choose :P

::coughs and hacks up last bits of lungs:: bah i have many tissues and potions to get me better & yesh i am feeling marvellusly better except now i need more potion as its worn off! Damnit!

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