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Chance meetings and long goodbyes
It's funny how things work out, it really is. One minute, you know exactly where you are and where you're going - more important than that, you know who you are. And then everything changes, and you're a stranger to yourself - and in my case that's not good because I'm the only person I can hold a decent conversation with these days without getting distracted. Well, there is another...'s to being perfectly imperfect...

Every time I change, I have to get to know me again - if I've no perception of how I come across, what chance do I have of actually managing any sort of social interaction. I've changed a lot over the past year - I know for a fact that I wouldn't recognise myself if I went back a couple of years. Just have to adapt to every new Me that comes along...

I'm kinda getting to like my personality's latest incarnation. The past two and a half weeks have drastically shifted my esteem and confidence from 'miserable' to 'invulnerable'.. Well, almost, anyway. If I pretended I genuinely think that I'm any different, I'd be lying - I'm still exactly the same, but I'm presenting myself differently. And at the end of the day, that's all that really matters to anybody else - as people, we're all just products we're trying to sell to the masses. We all crave acceptance, if only by ourselves, and it's all about image. show me the moon, and i'll show you magic...

But with change comes a renewed outlook on choices, on consequences. Perhaps I've stopped caring as much, or perhaps I'm only just noticing that a lot of consequences don't even matter any more. Whatever it is, it's liberating - the idea that right now, my actions can barely even make a dent in the things that are important to me allows me a freedom to stop worrying too much.

And choices... Perhaps I'm just overly good at rationalising my actions, but I haven't made a choice I've come to regret in a long time. I've managed to regret indecision, procrastination, but not a conscious choice. It's like I always say, I never regret the things I do, only the things I don't do. And lately, I've not held back, so there's nothing to regret these days.

...take me back to where the fireflies dance...

Am I happy? I'd like to think so... It's important to just take a step back and see the beauty in the world, because it's everywhere. No, really, I mean it, I'm not talking about plastic bags blowing in the wind, I'm talking about the wind itself, the sky, the air, the grass, every little thing in this world that you've taken for granted since you were a kid. And with such beauty, how can I be truly unhappy? Even when I am sad, there's still beauty in tragedy....

Call this whole thing pretentious if you will - I know that if anybody else had written this, I probably would. But this is what's on my mind this morning, and in truth, it'd be pretentious to write anything else.

It's funny how they always tell you that you never find something if you look too hard for it - I never used to believe that, because clearly, it defies all logic. And yet here I am - a few weeks ago, I would never have believed how my life could have turned out, and I certainly wasn't seeking change. Still, I'm glad it came, it's been really good for me.

"In love with love and lousy poetry"... *sigh*

Right, time to be pretentious at the database instead. Poor thing won't know what hit it - I'll give all the text controls angsty names and confuse anybody who tries to understand the code :o)

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Are you alright?

Okay then...

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