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So, anyway, I get to Uni, and check the answerphone. The following messages were left today, between Jimbo leaving in the morning, and me arriving this evening:

12:56 (Male)
Hiya this is John, I know I'm supposed to be moving in tomorrow but my stuff probably won't be there for a while, so I'll probably see you in a couple of days instead. See you later dudes, bye

13:00 (Female)
Hiya it's Mindy I was just ringing about moving into James's room, I can't come in the next few days, so I was wondering is six o'clock tonight alright? Right then, well, looking forward to meeting you all again, see you later, bye

13:02 (Male)
Hi guys, sorry to bother you again, it's John. I just wanted to let you know, if some girl called Mindy rings, or comes round, I think she's planning to come round, don't let her in, whatever you do, she's absolutely mental... I'm not quite sure what to do, I'll talk to you more about it when I get there, see you later

14:40 (Female)
Hiya it's Mindy, I've been waiting out in the rain now for the last hour, I was just wondering where you are. The address is XX Over Street isn't it? I'll pop back around, is six okay? See you later then, bye

14:45 (Male)
Hi guys, I'm really really sorry to mess you around, another change of plan. I dropped by this afternoon, she's sitting outside, like I said don't let her in, she's a nutter. If it's alright, I'm gonna take the fridge out of the shed and I'm gonna put my luggage there until she's gone, basically, okay, I'll swing by at about six o'clock tonight to do that, okay? Nice one, sorry sorry sorry, see you tomorrow, bye bye.

22:08 (Male, perhaps different to the first, not sure)
I might not be there tonight... uh... ah, sod it...

Confusing, no? Anyhow, I 1471'd their ass (same as *69 for those of you of the American persuasion)... I have a number for a call at 14:43, which is confusing... Presumably, this number belongs to "John", but dialing it just gave me an answerphone with no identity.

A few points - they knew there was somebody called James who lives here (although I don't know which one of us - spooky), they knew the address and phone number, and they knew that we have an old fridge in our shed. I think we can rule out a random prank - this is somebody far closer to home. Claire is out of the country, which is the perfect alibi, so it could be one of her friends. The other suspect is Harry, but we shall see.

My first suspicions fell to Jimbo, because he knew that the house would be empty when those messages were left. But I've been calling him and stuff, and talking to him about it. I don't think he's responsible.

The last message was left when whoever it is knew I was home - the previous times, the phone would ring until the machine picked it up. At 22:08, I was listening to the other messages, so he'd have gone to the machine straight away. If this helps anybody figure anything out, then let me know ;o)

Anyway, my point is this - I feel the need to reply at some time tonight and leave a message on the answering machine of the number that called this afternoon. I'm pretty sure it's John's number, but it could in theory be Mindy's - who knows. The point is, can anybody think up anything devastatingly funny for me to say to them? If so, let me know here - I want the response to be as good as possible. If no satisfactory suggestions are given, I'll have to draw on my creative and acting talents to come up with something myself :o)

Bring on your suggestions :o)

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I admit it :(

Hi Kit. It wasn't you. You just wish it was.

Considering the 'post comment' options of:
a) From: Anonymous

i decided to use option a)...

I've offered you an account on LJ on many occasions.... :o)

"Hi, John? Yeah, this is James. Just ringing to...ah...let you know that Mindy came 'round earlier and...well, okay, to be frank, she gave me the best damned sex I've ever had. So she gets the room. Sorry. Feel free to leave your luggage in the shed though, I'm sure we can get a few bucks for it. By all means take the fridge with you. Bye."

I'm bored and I'm sure someone will improve upon that.

Naturally, I have to adapt that to something that would fit how I'd say it...

"Hi John, it's James. Look, I won't beat about the bush - Mindy called earlier to see about the room and.. well.. one thing led to another, and to tell you the truth, I think I'm going to have to let her have the room. It's nothing personal, she just... convinced me... Feel free to leave your luggage in the shed though, I'm sure I'll be able to get a good price for it. By all means, take the fridge with you. Thanks, bye"

That's not obvious enough. It needs to be more shocking.

Put some graphic details in there for a start :P

I have difficulty saying graphic things to my friends, I could never manage it on the phone to a stranger :o\

BTW, after listening to it again, you could blatantly hear a girl laughing in the background of the first message... :o)

Hiya it's James I was just ringing about moving into Mindys room.



Too late now.... But a good idea nevertheless :o)

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