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Meep Meep!!
... goes my phone. Also goes Road Runner, but you know, that's just an absurd tangent. So yes, my phone started to go meep, but let's run back a bit because that's not the start anyway.

Went to my workshop this morning. Differential Equations. Hate that subject. Oh, but the story starts earlier this week, actually - my midterm. I knew I was gonna screw up. It was inevitable that I would do shite. Which is why it was so cool that I totally kicked arse on it. I managed to do stuff I've never been taught to do, just by looking at it. I felt smart. Likewise in my workshop this morning - I was able to do questions I've never thought about before. So I feel good :o)

In other news, I've tidied my room. That's right, I have the whole floor back again. It took most of a day, but I feel so much happier now that it's done. It's just this mammoth task that I've finally managed to get around to, and it makes my room so much larger.

And now Enya - Only Time has come on Winamp and I'm crying. Massive mood swings are fun. But in all honesty, I'm not so much sad as just emotional. When Sweet November comes out on DVD, I'm buying it that very day. But I bet I don't watch it. Heck, when I was shopping with Claire yesterday, I looked at Legends of the Fall, Amadeus, Contact, Anastasia, lots of movies I saw in America. Couldn't bring myself to buy any of them, because I knew I'd never be able to watch any.

But yes, emotional != unhappy. Anyhow, so yes, today, I went to my workshop, which was good. Then I came home and ate a big lunch, which was also good. Another way in which I'm feeling happy these days is weight-wise. I'm gaining it, as far as I can tell, which is a good thing. If have actual flesh on me these days, and muscle too. Scary, I know. And that in itself gives me lots more confidence. Like, these days I can just walk around my flat topless without worrying about how I look (although I tend not to in case I scare Claire or something). And like, I used to tend to wear clothes that hid the fact that there was nothing to me. These days, I don't choose my clothes based on anything - the way I see it, I make anything look good.

Okay, that's kinda bullshit, but it's the sort of confidence that this has given me. I can actually go forth believing that sort of thing, just because I'm so happy in myself these days. So yes, after eating lots earlier I then went out. Had to pay in a cheque, and pay off part of my current credit card bill. Since the bank is just by the beach, I decided that I may as well go sit by the sea for a bit.

The sea is special. I love living near it, but I could cope with not living near it just because it's not something I need much. It's like, I love being by the sea, but I can go months between visits, or something. But I love it all the same. Anyway, I'm rambling.

So yes, sat by the sea, looking at the sun playing on the horizon and the waves crashing down on the beach. I miss Shimi, and Alex, and Fran, and Verity, and holiday people in general... Things used to be different - for starters, I used to be a kid. Life was so simple. And lots of fun, too. Sitting by the sea, on the big sandy beach, with my family, or going surfing at Newgale, or CC2000 with Ben and Oliver, or sitting up in Alex's caravan playing cards with her and the others. But you can't go back to your past, and I wouldn't want to. I like my present quite a lot, but I still miss my past all the same. But there's only one person I'd still really be able to be friends with, and I burned that bridge two years ago. Time to move on and ditch the past.

Anyway, while I was sat on the beach thinking about my past, my present and future sent me a text message (Meep Meep!). And that's the reason why living in the past would suck - my future is looking a lot better. So here I am, and here I stay - rooted firmly in the present, looking forward to the future, and hoping that my Jen Jen is having a good thanksgiving.

On which note, I think it's time for me to go do something productive with my time. But I shall return, and I only hope that I'm still as happy as I am right now :o)


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