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Then cometh the outburst...
Dunno what's up with me these days, it used to be so simple. Get on the computer, write how I feel, it made things better. And before then, I had a notebook I'd write in at 2am when I'd feel the need to vent. These days, I keep most of it in, and I'm not sure why.
Stars are out tonight
And you're the brightest one shining in my sky
It's like every wish I ever made came true
The day I woke up lying next to you
- The Ataris
That quote just totally sums up going camping with Jen, I think... That first night, we went out for a walk, and through the gaps in the trees, I saw more stars than I've ever seen in an entire sky before, it was just breath-taking. We went back and sat in front of the camp fire for a while, and kept warm, then we went back to the tent and to sleep. I'd be hard-pressed to find a moment in my life before July that was as wonderful as waking up next to her in the morning, and just looking at her while she slept so peacefully in my arms...


Had a scary experience the other day... Wandering around Brighton, I saw this girl who was holding a magazine over her face so I couldn't see it. What I could see was blonde hair, a pink sweater, and a body roughly the same as Jen's. My heart skipped a good few beats until she moved the magazine away and I realised (quite predictably) that it wasn't Jen. But for a while there, it really messed with my head. I think I'm just falling to pieces or something...
Woah yeah
I feel like a hundred million dollars tonight
I knew you were the one
But I kept you waiting
Kept you waiting, anticipating
Now I'm waiting for you
- Sugar Ray
It's funny, time flies so fast sometimes. I remember a few years ago, Kit was starting his GCSEs, TMA and I were half-way through them... Summer of 1997, it was... And now look at us - all three of us are at Uni, studying stuff... It's funny how you grow older really - when we talk to each other, we're still very much the same kids as in '97 - that's part of the appeal... As Baz Luhrmann says
For the older you get,
The more you need the people you knew when you were young
On the subject of that man, people still don't get what it is I have against that movie. I swear, the next person to try to convince me it's worth watching despite my (quite obvious) issues with it is getting killed. David, this even includes you by the way, I don't care how wonderful the cinematography is, I would literally stab myself before seeing that movie. And none of you gets why, without exception. So please, quit trying to convince me that I'm wrong or something. You really do have no understanding of what it is. Even talking about the fucking thing upsets me. So I'll stop.
And I don't mind waiting
When she sings these words to me
I see the light in your window
Look at the sky and we can go
Look at the sky and we can go away
She sings these words
She says these words
Come run away with me tonight
She says these words
She says these words
Come run away with me tonight
- Sugar Ray
Lectures again tomorrow - I have this weird "Human Computer Interaction" thing at 2pm, which will be... well... interesting. I'm wondering what it actually is. All I know is that I have one lecture per week, and one seminar. I don't yet know when the seminar is though, so that could further mess with my timetable. Then I have Stats and Probabilty at 3pm. So it's a late start for me, which will be nice - I don't like the early ones.
Just one last time
Can I hear you say?
"You're my little boy
I never want you to go away"
Where are you?
Please believe in me
I'm not hanging up the phone
'til I hear you say
"I love you
I need you near"
Just give me one last chance
And I'll never let you down again
- The Ataris
At some point tomorrow, I'm going to buy a VCR (yes, everybody is chipping in money, it's not a solo venture). I was going to do it today, only yesterday I got out my money for the week, and that would mean that I'd put a huge dent in my account in two days. Granted, I'd be paid back, but I just hate the idea that I'm taking out enough money for a one-way plane ticket to America over the course of two days, and spending it on something else. Call me crazy, watch me care...

Anyway, enough lunacy - I've already started talking to myself (well, writing letters to myself, sort of - just this weird thing I always wanted to do - write a letter to myself in the past - yes, I know I can't read it back then, but still...). So I'll be off again. Back soon, I hope :o)

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Life may be sucky at the moment but you will always have those experiences and memories, and no-one can take them away from you. Live for them moment, you told me that once. I know you can't stand me and i really don't care if you like me or not, i never know why i write all this but sometimes i just talk to anonymous people. I was depressed for a long time before you met me but i'm ok now, i have no intention of falling of the wagon again, but hey i'm rambling, be happy scary bloke ;)

Hmm, actually I do understand why. But, it doesn't really matter I guess.

No, actually, you don't. I never told anybody exactly why it is, not you, not anybody. Just talking about the thing upsets me, explaining why it gets to me so much would only upset me more, which is not something I want to do. Various people know a part of it, but nobody really knows why.

Hm, well ok then. Sorry for the comment since it clearly upset you.

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