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Tell me...
Did you ever want for two different things so much that it hurts? But at the same time, having both those things would negate one of them? Like, for example, say you wanted to be a secret agent and a normal person. While you're living that double life, you can never really be this normal person, it'd all just be a pretense. Or something like that, I dunno....

But yeah, the old thoughts are a-buzzing, which would be a first - my brain has been asleep for so long. Of course, the thinking has to be punctuated with something meaningless, which is where Max Payne comes in. For those people who care, I've just got past the second trippy bit, and I'm at Cold Steel. The whole thing in the second trip where it does the whole "You're in a graphic novel" and the "You are in a computer game" - it really is very cleverly done, I was very impressed.

So yeah, in between killing agents of darkness, as one does, I've been sitting around thinking. It hurts the brain, you know :o)
I can see you touch the sun
Make a wish and don't tell anyone
Then my eyes start focussing
Then my eyes start focussing
Then my eyes start focussing

I can feel you, in a dream I think I'm falling
I can see you, in a dream I think I'm flying
I feel you
I feel you
Reach out and touch me, will you
I'm feeling you tonight
- Sugar Ray
In happy news, my eyebrow piercing is getting better - it had bled a bit the other night, but that's because I stupidly had a couple of drinks with dinner. Then again, I went and got utterly smashed last night, and it was fine, so go figure...

Oh, on the subject of that, David, I apologise for phoning you, but you know, sometimes I just have to do stuff like that, I can't help myself... It's a sickness, or something. You should know better than to talk to me when you know I'm out, anyway... :o)

Sometime soon we're meant to be hearing from British Gas, who have told me that I can get 75% off all my calls to America (yes, apparently we use the gas for the phone these days), which is something I'm very interested in sorting out - I want this discount, it'll make a few things a lot easier :o)

I still feel full after that sandwich earlier. Seriously, it is the most immensely filling food one can eat, next to bricks. I think tomorrow I'll either go find nacho chips (which I've not managed to do yet, because the ones I find are too thick), or just bust up a load of Taco shells and use that instead. Then I'll make myself nachos, since I have cheese and salsa (which, officially, I don't eat, but then, officially, I don't eat fries either, so...)
Maybe I'm dreaming, can you tell me
Do you remember summers that lasted so long
June 'til September was our time to sing all the songs
Do you remember all of us together as we grew up under the sun

I want to rewind every time 'cause the words have so much meaning
They were there when nobody cared always knew what I was feeling
Stay tonight
Don't leave me reminiscing
All I do is wind up missing you
Are you missing me?
- Sugar Ray
God, I miss being in that house in Belleville so much... I spent my 236th month of existence there (the coincidence of which still staggers me), and like, I've never been happier than I was with Jen. Waking up to see her smiling face almost every single morning, her cooking for me and making me eat even when I didn't want to (I'm so going to put on another 10 pounds before Christmas just for fun), driving me around everywhere... Uni Mart, Giant, Hot Topic, Wal*Mart, shopping for clothes in State College, Hershey Park, Lakemont, Greenwood, and here's me, stuck a few thousand miles away.

Nobody ever said life was meant to be fair - it's how we deal with unfairness that makes us who we are. If everybody got everything they ever wanted, they'd have nothing to drive them any more. And I believe more than anything that everything always works out for the best in the end.


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