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Random. Very Random. Ignore.
See, now there's the cause of everything right there, and arms will, as per, be open. And that's why, for fuck's sakes... Arms open, eyes closed, and everything would be OK if some Russian guy had just said something else to me. But it's not, nothing ever is, but always will be. Everything will be OK in the end, but we never reach the end, just another middle.

It's funny, I can decide to do something for one reason, justify it according to those reasons and stuff, and then realise that I have a different reason altogether. And I wonder if I always knew that, and rationalised those other reasons just because they made everything more simple. Is my brain faster than my mind? Who knows, could well be.

I don't say "fuck you" enough, and there are times I really should have said it and didn't, and that in itself pisses me off. Wish I could go back and say it but I can't, and I can't say it now, so it'll just have to stay unsaid until the chance arises again. And next time it does, perhaps I'll have something worse to say, and perhaps I won't just to prove a point to myself about motives and actions and stuff.

A smile can hurt so much more than a frown, happy thoughts are the worst, because a frown can never betray you, and sad thoughts aren't hurtful to anybody but the thinker. But that's the sort of thing that doesn't help anybody in the end, which in itself sucks. Blah, this paragraph is turning into something I don't get, so I'm moving on...

Oh, and there's a thing, moving on. I did that once, twice, more times than I want to remember, and I felt free. I miss feeling free sometimes, just because it's a different sort of fun, a different kind of excitement, and you can be selfish. So nuts to everybody, because a wise person said to me today "let the happy people make you happy", which is actually bloody good advice and I might just take it and be happy. To be truly happy, you just have to say fuck everybody else.

Well fuck everybody else.


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