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(Private) A plan
I have £25 (more or less), which should be easily enough for whatever food I want, plus sufficient money for grocery shopping and stuff. And I've been thinking.

I'm going to buy myself a camera. It occurred to me that Joyce is going in less than a week, and that I don't have a single photo of her. And I've wanted to buy myself a camera for years, ever since I broke my old one (so anybody who compares me to him for my camera can suck my nuts). I need photos of the flat, I need photos of my friends, I need photos of my university, I'll need photos of Jen..... This is something I need. Memories are so important to me, as everybody well knows, and while I can write down anything I like, I can't save images.

Lately, I dunno what's been up with my journal. I'm not writing creatively or entertainingly any more. It's funny, it's all in my head. When I'm out walking, I plan my journal entries, and think up all sorts of fun things to write about, and amusing things to relate, but I just don't. Because when it comes down to it, I need to experience these moments of humour and quality - but if I do that in my head, I don't need to write them down. There was once a time when I would write down everything I think. Now I just write down what I want to write down, and leave the rest just up to my thoughts. I've stopped feeling free to give away my thoughts now - I don't even know what that means to me or who I am any more, but it's different...


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