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It's amusing quite how wrong a person can be sometimes..

Weeks ago, I was actually looking forward to this time.. With Naomi staying at her parents' place, I'd be able to spend time doing all those things that I don't usually get around to.. For example, without anyone to meet for lunch, I could go to the gym! Without needing to synchronise work times with Naomi, I could go into work early and come home late, getting lots of stuff done.. I could get all experimental in the kitchen and test out things, knowing that it would only be my own dinner that I was ruining.. In short, I thought that a brief break, living on my own for a week, would be fun.

It turns out that in actual fact, this is not the case. Without wishing to assign too much of my emotional stability and general happiness to Naomi, in her absence I've gone through what I might ordinarily describe as "depression". That's not to say that I'm actually unhappy as such, but the overall effect is roughly the same. I've not been sleeping well, I've had no motivation to do anything, and have generally been feeling sorry for myself. As it turns out, if I'm not getting out of bed to make Naomi breakfast, then there's a good chance that I'm simply not getting out of bed at all. This is of course inconsistent with the goal of getting into work early.

Then there's the staying at work late - while ordinarily this might be fun, and productive, it turns out that usually the motivation for doing it is to meet Naomi from work when she's on a late shift. And while I appreciate the opportunity to be productive, if I've got nothing to look forward to in the evening then there's little point in prolonging the working day. Let's not even get started on my ability (or otherwise) to make it to the gym regularly.

Food? Well, without Naomi to cook for, there's little motivation to do much fancy cooking.. I learned to poach an egg, largely because I've always been curious as to whether it works, and exactly how it works (with regard to how it all solidifies etc.), so that was good fun. And I tried my hand at making Spaghetti Carbonara from scratch, with proper ingredients and such, but it managed to end up as some sort of spaghetti omelette.. With a scrambled egg twist.. Not ideal :o)

Then there's the tidying of the flat.. I've done some, certainly, but not nearly as much as I could.. Largely because I just don't have the energy. I think about it, then I think "nah" - seemingly for no good reason. It's an odd feeling.. Mercifully, I had so much time in which to pack stuff up that it'll still all get done..

And to think, the plan had originally been for her to be away for three weeks - it's hard to say whether given sufficient time, everything would have reset and I would have managed to get my act together. I used to live alone, after all.. Though the whole isolation thing is a bit weird - when I actually think about it, I've only lived alone (in the sense of having no housemates) for eight months in my life, so I never really acclimatised to that.. No idea if I spelled that correctly, shame on me..

And then there's all the other stuff.. Just little things I find around the flat that belong to Naomi, and it all makes me sad that she's not going to be coming back to this flat, and that we won't be living here any more.. There were similar feelings when we left Cardiff, but we did that together, at the same time, so it was easier.. But when I look around here, and I see her little mirror, her Wild Berry Skittles, our Barbados itinerary, all that stuff, it just makes me feel really sad, because technically she's not coming back. I mean, in practice she is, we'll be moving all this stuff out at some point.. And in terms of coming back to me, of course she will be.. But it's the fact that we won't be living here any more, so all those things that remind us of living together here make me a bit sad..

I dunno, like I said at the beginning, there's an awful lot of feeling sorry for myself going on here.. I just can't wait for this brief period to be over, so that we can get on with doing the whole actual living together thing again :o)

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Aw...It would seem you're a human being after all. :*) Hope you kids are reunited soon.

Don't let Livejournal fool you. I had to write that for him.

If you had, I'm sure there would be references to axial neutron flux in there :oP

Oh dear James. Being in love is all well and good but this strikes me as unhealthy if time apart makes you like this. You should perhaps make an effort to find an interest outside of your relationship in the future if this is how you are when apart.

Its either that or stay a wuss!

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