Log in

No account? Create an account
Previous Entry Share Next Entry
(no subject)
This whole living alone thing isn't the endless party that it's been cracked up to be..

Suddenly all these aspects of my life in which I have "freedom" turn out to be areas in which I rather appreciated structure and routine.

The ability to go to bed whenever I like leaves me sleeping slightly weird hours, which in turn leaves me feeling slightly odd for much of the next day. The thought occurs that even at university (and after), whenever I had weird sleeping patterns they were at least consistent if nothing else. For much of my first year of university, 4am was my bedtime, but it was like that every night. When Naomi and I first met, I'd come home from work at 6pm, nap until about 10pm, then be awake until about 5am, then sleep until 8am. It was weird, but my body was okay with that, because it was at least repetitive..

Now, no such luck.. This whole "I'll go to sleep when I get tired" thing doesn't work because my body often forgets to mention things to me. It's also not sustainable because of, y'know, having a job and stuff. Also, it turns out that a lot of the motivation to go to bed is linked to the fact that there'll be somebody there to snuggle with. An empty bed really isn't that compelling a prospect, which only further dissuades me from sleep.

Then there's food. I clearly have a disorder, because I really don't mind eating the same meal ten times in a row.. So long as it's something I like, I'm never going to get bored of it. This represents a further problem because "Meal for one" becomes "Same meal for one". In my day to day life, I know that Naomi wouldn't stand for us having the same thing for dinner two nights running, because it's not really how a balanced diet should work, so ordinarily I would ensure that we have the necessary ingredients to make various meals. Without that motivation, it's harder to actually bother to eat a varied menu. I'm having a go, but it's just a lot of extra work when I'm just taking care of myself.

It just strikes me as a little odd - that I would be entirely incapable of looking after myself when alone, but don't do a bad job of looking after myself when I have somebody else to look after as well. I suspect that The Single Life is not something that I would entirely wish to experience. I'm sure that some lifestyle changes might help in that respect - for example, having nobody to come home to in the evenings would lead to me finding things to do other than coming home. Nevertheless, it's not in any way an attractive prospect right now..

I suppose the whole point of this is just to say that I rather miss Naomi.. For those who don't keep up, she's living with her parents right now, while I pack up the last of our stuff in the flat, and then move out. We'll be moving back in together when we finally make it to Surrey, though there are no exact plans as to when that will be (though a few ideas, mostly around July). This flat was never the most inviting place in the world, and it's even less so without her here. And the absence of most of her things is just unsettling - every now and again I find something of hers, and this huge grin comes over my face because there's so little left, and it's just nice to find something that makes me think of her. For some context, she's only been gone 72 hours, which makes this whole thing that little bit more pathetic. Though in my defence, some of the feeling of weirdness comes from the anticipation of many more days without her here..

This isn't really going anywhere, so I shall knock it off.. I guess I'm just feeling a lot of detachment right now, not least of all because I haven't really interacted with another human being face to face in three solid days. I can cope with that sort of thing, if I want to, but I need to be in a different headspace to do it, and I don't feel like it. In any case, in times of detachment, I latch on to the Internet, which is probably what this is.

  • 1
Welcome to my life ;)

Except the whole 'missing Naomi' thing, obviously.

  • 1