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Oh you have got to be fucking kidding me


It's another one! Last time it was the twat from Warwick with some blatantly obvious conclusion backed up by an invalid formula, now some bint from Wales has elected to follow suit.

So help me God, it makes me want to harm people..

Formula for January Blues:

1/8W + (D-d) 3/8xTQ MxNA

I mean for starters, that's not a fucking formula, it makes no sense. Do they mean 1/8th of W, or do they mean 1/(8*w), or what?

And get this, here's what it means:

W is weather
D is debt
d funds due on January's pay day
T is the time since Christmas.
Q is the period since the failure to quit a bad habit
M stands for general motivational levels
NA is the need to take action and do something about it.

Okay. Where to fucking begin. Firstly, you cannot multiply or divide by the weather. Weather is not within the set of numbers, real, imaginary or otherwise. Clearly (D-d) is intended to be outstanding debt at the end of January, which in itself is incorrect because the magnitude of "d" is irrelevant to its impact on "D", since there are other things to be taken into consideration when allocating one's salary.

Furthermore, apparently you multiply the time since Christmas by the time since you failed to quit something. From what I can see, depression is at a maximum when the formula resolves to a high number. So a greater period of time since Christmas equals greater depression. But a more recent failure to give something up will, apparently, help. "Shit, yesterday I failed to give up drinking even though it's killing me, but look, no more blues!"

In short, you're multiplying together two factors which should have opposite effects, which cannot be measured on the same scale anyway (due to perception of time).

And then onto general motivational levels - again, not measured against any sort of scale, this is not a figure that you can use in multiplication. Yet it's multiplied by the "need to take action". Mmm, quite.

I cannot stress enough how retarded the BBC are for writing that news story

So finally, you end up with a "mathematical formula" devised by a "part-time tutor" (read: fucking moron), which involves such things as fractions, multiplication, addition, between different types of variable which cannot be measured against each other, and cannot possibly produce any sort of valid result.

If they'd said "the blues is proportional to these factors and inversely proportional to these other factors" that would be fine (if obvious). But no, they're trying to quantify the unquantifiable.

In closing - Cliff Arnalls, you are a complete shit-for-brains cop-out moron, who threw together some random numbers and letters and managed to trick a gullible news website into thinking that you had a clue. You are contributing to the dumbing down of the media by honestly thinking that this formula has any significance to anybody who might possibly understand what it means - your audience is stupid people who are too poorly educated to understand that you're one of them. I hope you burn in Hell for your crimes against intelligence.

You'd think I'd feel better after venting that, but somehow it doesn't help....

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Rarely do I nearly shit myself laughing. This time was closer because I actually needed the toilet.

(Deleted comment)
Psst, that was a "part-time tutor", I'm a student. We actually have things to do :p

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