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State of Me
Tired, depressed, wanting to go home, wanting to leave uni, wanting to curl up and die, wanting a girlfriend, wanting more diverse mates at uni, pissed off....

These all describe my current state of mind. I'm not home-sick, I'm just anywhere-but-here-sick right now. I can't wait to get the hell out of this place next Friday for the weekend. I've just come away from a huge chat with James about the whole thing, and we both feel pretty much the same. Frankly, University isn't really so much fun as it was meant to be. We're not socialising with enough people, and we have no real way to do so - you can hardly meet people easily at the bars we go to, nor in clubs especially, and without some more male mates, it's just not much fun. Neither of us is having a good time, and neither of us can see that changing. I need to talk to my parents, and talk to a few of my third-year and fourth-year friends, and ask them how their first years were. Because if it's going to stay like this for another two years, I can't be bothered with it.

James (who is decidedly more depressed than I am) has decided that if things aren't better by the end of this term, he's leaving, going travelling, and then reapplying to a different university in the hope that it's all different. This won't work for me, since I'm at the place I know I'd be happiest at, and frankly I can't be arsed with the application process again. I don't think I have any choice other than to brave it out, but still... During the week, we just can't wait for the weekend - but then we waste our weekends on sleeping, staying in, or just going to East Slope Bar for a few drinks - nothing fun......

One way I'm coping with the whole situation is that I'm simply not taking any shit from people. Starting with that bitch Harry. Ironic, really, that the one person I will put up with is Claire, who has never even remotely been a fan of mine. However, I expect that from her, and it suits her to be all surly and bitchy. On the other hand, Harry? Ha! Simply because I have to do it somewhere, I'm gonna have a bitch about her here.

Firstly, she challenged me to a game of football earlier. That's fine, ain't nothing wrong with that. But she honestly thought she could compete with me. The chick can't even run from one side of a badminton court to another without panting, she's as agile as a brick, and in generally is not especially suited to soccer. Yet she presumed herself capable of beating me - seriously. It's like when she does the same with badminton - it's just annoying. She can't play. I wouldn't mind playing against her, except she takes it so seriously and continually harps on about how she'll win. Get a clue, you suck.

And then there's her inane giggling. Especially when Alex says something (due to the fact that she's madly in love with her, but won't admit it - if you saw how she acts, you'd agree), but just when vaguely amusing things happen, she just sits there and giggles. She sometimes curls up into a little ball and laughs for several minutes. She bursts out laughing at the least funny of things, and it's just pissing me off. I rarely feel violent towards people, but boy if I could pick her up and fling her across the room I would, only she'd have to lose a couple of hundred pounds first.

The dopey cow also believes herself to always be right - both morally and intellectually. You people think I'm bad with my whole "I know better than all" routine? She's even worse, mostly because she knows jack shit. She believes herself to be righteous when she takes the piss, but she's anything but. She stabbed her best friend in the back far worse than had been done to her, and has used every trick in the book in order to avoid people thinking badly of her. Well myself and James see right through that one, think that she's a terrible friend to Alex, and is, quite frankly, a self-righteous judgemental bitch. If she brings up certain incidents one more time, I swear to all the Gods, I shall not relent in whatever flaming rant I go on at her until she's sobbing like a baby. And those of you who've seen me when I've got started know that I mean that. On several occasions last term, I've delivered one-line insults that have made Mice storm off to her room for hours, and I was barely trying.

Frankly, James and I are sick of the girls in the flat, for the most part. Claire is just always bitchy to us and never opens up, Harry is a stupid fucking bitch who is going to get everything she deserves if she pisses me off one more time, Alex is so close to Harry and Claire that the three just always take the piss out of me and James, Vicky and James aren't getting on very well, Mice and I aren't getting on well, I'm getting on great with Lollo and Vicky, but that's not really enough. Basically, we're both pissed off, and we've had enough.

This is why I'm depressed right now. All rather annoying, really.

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I understand totally angel...

the whole uni situation is exactly mine at the moment, but I am at home so i feel better. Eat chocolate. you will make more friends, because you realise you what/need more, you start to spread your wings more in the 2nd term i think. I am going to come and visit you soon, that'll be fun. not to mention that I am going to see you soon and hug you till you hurt, in the nicest possible way.
Ignore the nasty girls, I ignore nasty Marcus, not to mention threaten him with violence quite a lot!

Take care my angel, I am going to hug you lots in my mind. lots of love Becca xxx %-)

I liked Becca's take on it all. ;-)

But here's a *great big hug* for you anyway ... poor dear. :-(

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