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Y'know, we have a Demon Duck in the office. When you clap your hands, squeeze it, or in extreme cases kick it at a wall, it starts singing a stupid tune. Offensively, I might add, and in a manner specifically designed by Satan himself in order to annoy me as much as possible - or at least, that's the impression I get from it.

Anyway, as I may or may not have mentioned, a few days ago, we kidnapped the stupid creature, took its batteries out, and then mailed the owner a digital camera picture of the duck, tied up. We then send further e-mails with imaginative information such as "We have no ransom demands, because we are going to kill the duck anyway", and "Duck gone to heaven". Anyway, once we got bored of that, we then made a noose out of wire, and hung the duck publicly for all to see, and it's been hanging by its neck (dead) ever since.

Until just now, when one member of the office staff objected, on grounds of animal cruelty. She freed the duck, and left the noose just hanging there. Now, as everybody knows, a noose is incomplete without a victim, and I simply couldn't bear the idea of it not living a full noosey life. Furthermore, tying wire around the stupid duck's neck seems to bother the aforementioned member of staff, because it's cruel and icky. Or something.

So I've spent much of this morning sneaking up on the duck, and hanging it repeatedly around the office, much to the despair of various people. It asked for it.


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