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99% of the time people dont have a clue what's in your head
2012
unknownj
Self perception can be a tricky business... When the people who go on Big Brother talk about how they're doing it because they want to learn more about themselves, what they really mean is that they want to be able to see how they come across - understand themselves as others see them. And short of flinging yourself into reality TV, it's not an easy thing to do.

There's a few clues to how people see me... At Reading, Stu seemed to think I wanted to be the centre of attention - is that how I come across? And generally, people seem to generally treat me differently to how I would imagine they would, which means that my perception of how I am must be a little off base...

I think most of my self-image comes from how I saw myself up until the age of about seventeen... I was dramatically different, and I'm glad that I didn't have a journal back then, since I would probably read it and cringe - I can't even look back two years without wondering how I ever got by like I used to be.

So, for an exercise, here's more or less how I'd introduce myself four years ago:
My name is James, and I'm 16 going on 25. I'm really shy, and can't really talk to strangers. Everybody sees me as a total geek, but I try not to care because I have a couple of good friends. I don't really go out, because there's nowhere around here to go, and I don't drink because I'm morally opposed to the idea of altering my state of consciousness with chemicals. I've never kissed a girl, or really had a proper girlfriend.
Yes, that's really what I was like. And I still see myself like that, more or less. I walk around convinced that everybody sees me as a total loner geek, even though I've a suspicion that they might not. I'm still one of the most shy people I know, despite significant evidence to the contrary...

I dunno, maybe I'm not like that any more... Maybe I really have stopped being a shy loser geek. Or maybe I've just convinced myself of that in order to feel better about myself....

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you aren't a shy loser geek. because i rule, and so why would i be friends with a shy loser geek? logic, boy. :P

Yeah, but you obviously see me differently to most people anyway - otherwise why does nobody else sleep with me? :oP

because i have supposedly fucked up views about sex :P and because they do dumbass, i.e. mel? (which is lem backwards)

Yeah, but I meant right now. There are very good reasons why Mel would not sleep with me right now, you know :oP

And your views aren't fucked up. They're not, y'know, the same as everyone else's, true, but they're not fucked up...

ok, so mel wouldn't *now*, but she did, and so did i. and i did because i wanted to. because you made me want to. now, honestly, do you get into the situation we had very often? do you ask girls out very often? etc etc cause if you did you might get more... :P

or, if this is all just a rant and you just want to shout: *hug*

I jove you :D

You rock. Am feeling better. Weird.....

hehe, i jove you too :) and y'know you're right, damn i rock :P i'm all ill but took photos of me, which always makes me feel better. not because i like confirming my yumminess, but because it's fun posing :P time to clean the feckin house...

Heh, I like taking photos of myself, because I like playing with the lighting, and the angles, and dressing up for it, and doing my hair, and then I post them and the 14 year old kiddies say I'm 'hott', and it's like "woo, validation!", and then I don't feel so crap and ugly and shit. Photos are good :o)

Cleaning, on the other hand, is not :o(

I got paid today ::bounce::

Oh yes, I have the money... I can go to Manchester, and I can get pictures burned onto me, and I can go out and do thiiiings... And I'm hyper because I only have quarter of an hour left at work, and then I'm home for THREE WHOLE DAYS

Woooooo!!!!!

Or not home, but Manchester, but anywhere but work...

And so I am happy, and talky, and willshutuprightnow.

yayayayay! what time is the tattoo appointment? cause i have a guitar lesson at 11am on monday morning, but after that i should be kinda free, but you gotta tell me cause i need to book the time off work

my god stu really did stick a spanner in the works didn't he? :P

Not in the way he was worried he had, I think.... I had never even realised that I try to be the centre of attention. But now that I think about it, I guess maybe I do sometimes.... It just hasn't ever really been pointed out to me like that.

I see it as a good thing - I don't want to be shy and stuff. I just hadn't realised that I'd stopped :o)

aww bless ya ;P hehe being shy can be very cute and a huge thingy of attraction to some girlies y'know so dont be hard on yourself for once being that yuss? but yuss not being it is also a good thing for you personally yesh ::nods:: and i'm talking bollocks.. hrmmk maybe i should just go hack up my lungs a bit over there ::points::

Well I'm still shy deep down - maybe that'll work... But I seem to be able to like, talk to people and stuff... which is good... I think :o)

And if you want to hack up, come here - I have tissues and stuff, for I too am ill :o\

heheh yesh talking good, as you see i'm a nervous talker ::nods:: either that or i like the sound of my own voice... hrmmm you choose :P

::coughs and hacks up last bits of lungs:: bah i have many tissues and potions to get me better & yesh i am feeling marvellusly better except now i need more potion as its worn off! Damnit!

First impression on meeting you at gig: Confident, nice guy, friendly
2nd impression while wandering around Brighton: Same as above
Impression given by internet: ego, but still cool
Current opinion: nice guy, friendly, hides low self esteem with fake ego

Therefore:
Jamie = Not a shy loser geek

:)

U are l33t psycosomatis0r.

Whoa dude. That reads like me a year ago. Seriously. And parts of it are still true. Everything thing there, the girls, the kissing, the loner geek (bar the drinking thing - which is ironically true now) was true about me at 16. And the center of attention thing? I've got that too I think.

Wow/Damn/Huh?/Hmmm

But yeh, that's really weird, we seem to have been very alike at one point.

I changed lots. We can only hope you do the same, eh? ;o)

Hey hey hey hey hey whoa whoa whoa...

I like who I am...if I didn't I would have changed already. Besides it's not very emo to be a playa is it?

speaking as some one who has only just met u
u are a complete loser geek (mwa ha ha ha)
;)
i hate you so much "i wish i was you just so i could kill myself"

:P
your a meany who picks on girls
and gives them the lurgy

YOU BIG BULLY!

You loved it, so shut up ;oP

yes
i love it like i love the lurgy

*kicks shin*

Heh, nice try, but you'll keep on missing. You tried to kick me SOOOOO many times, and managed it what, once? :oP

*gives evil glare*

oooo if u were here i wud kick u so hard for that

ok so kicking people in the shins isn't my strong point but atleast i dont slap like a girl

U BIG PANSY ASS GIRL!

Think carefully - would you rather I'd slapped you REALLY hard? I was being nice, damn you :oP

you, nice - ha!

so u being nice is telling me repleatedly u hate me and saying "ewww no i looked at u now i'm going to have to burn my eyes out"
your such a charmer.

i no the real reason u wouldn't slap me hard is cos ur scared i would get mad and kick ur ass

cos ur a pansy
a pansy with the lurgee

*lol*

I only got the lurgee off you :oP

And I tell you what, next time I'm up there, we'll have a fight to the death. How's that? :oP

no i got the lurgee off you
u definitely had it first

cos ur a boy
and boys are ewwwwwww

ok so next time ur near bye
we can fight to the death

*moves to mexico*

See? SEE?!! You're scared of me!

Ha, I win :oP

i'm not scared of u
it just... erm...
i like mexico
its a very beautiful place

so neh

u dont win :P

(why do u have this obsession with winning? is it because ur a pathetic loser and it doesn't happen very often?)

Seems to happen ALL THE TIME against you. It's great to have found somebody who is even more of a loser than me ;oP

And you're clearly scared of me, because I could KICK YOUR ARSE, if I so chose (as opposed to grabbing it :oP)

ah u got me there
yes i do lose a lot to you, but then its hard not to when u have a razor sharp wit and your always just those extra few seconds ahead, like in jillys....oh no wait, that was me. mwa ha ha ha

besides i'm not all that opposed to a bit of arse kicking :)

Yes, twice you beat me. Compare and contrast that to the number of times my witticisms totally kicked your arse :oP

And I'm glad you're not opposed to it - you're gonna get one :oP

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