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2012
unknownj
Scientists at Loss to Find Source of Eggs

BIRMINGHAM, United Kingdom (BLX) - After extensive and costly research, scientists have finally put the old adage about chickens and eggs to rest, by declaring that in fact, the egg came before the chicken. Immediately after publishing this result, they applied for further funding to explain where eggs came from.

The science team from the University of Birmingham spent six months analyzing chickens, in order to make some sense of the confusion as to whether the chicken pre-dates the egg or not. Spokesman for the project, Phil Davies, explained their findings thus:

"The chickens were coming out of the eggs. Like, actually emerging from them - obviously, you can't have chickens without having eggs first"

When questioned as to how the eggs could arise in the first place without a chicken, Mr Davies struck a thoughtful pose, and stopped moving. After careful prodding failed to reanimate him, this reporter gave up on trying to make further sense out of the findings.

The study, which has so far cost almost half a million pounds in research grants, was published last Monday, and is an interesting, if brief, read. With permission, here is an excerpt, accounting for almost half the text of the report:

"Our findings clearly show that in order for a chicken to come into being, an egg must first have existed. Ergo, the egg came before the chicken.

Given further funding, we could extend this investigation by examining the origins of eggs. Current theory that they arise from chickens is clearly paradoxical, and therefore impossible. In light of our findings, it can be clearly proved that eggs do not come from chickens, and we must therefore explore alternatives. It has been suggested that towards the beginning of spring, Eggs are brought about by seasonal rabbits, and this is something we would like the funds to look into"

The quest for knowledge is afoot. To do our part, we polled a randomly selected sample of white, middle class women whose household income is between £40k and £75k, asking them the following:

"If Chickens come from Eggs, where do Eggs come from?"

Our results were baffling:
  • 68% said that they came from chickens, despite how illogical this clearly is
  • 23% said that eggs came from supermarkets, and we laughed
  • 6% said that they weren't sure, and wanted somebody to look into it
  • 3% thought it would be amusing to make clucking noises at us
For further information, the report is available from all reputable scientific journals.

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strange boy. I don't want to know why you were reading this ;)

68% said that they came from chickens, despite how illogical this clearly is

riiiiiiight...

23% said that eggs came from supermarkets, and we laughed

don't you just love the general public?

3% thought it would be amusing to make clucking noises at us

haha :) I would have opted for this, clearly..

What do you mean, reading it? I wrote it.

Which perhaps makes me even more strange ;o)

It's all going to go in my little community at some point, located here...

okaaaaaay! sorry, just didn't expect you to be writing something like that ;)

Heh... Sometimes I just get bored and write random things... That one might have been bordering on too subtle, it's far too specific to my sense of humour really. I'll probably write something else later, as soon as I find a news story that sparks off my interest... :o)

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