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Boys and Girls, Action, Action!
2012
unknownj
I felt like transcribing this. Just for fun, and to share it with the rest of you. It's from episode 203 of MTV's The State, perhaps the funniest comedy sketch show I've ever seen (better than The Fast Show, Big Train, and all those things certainly...)

Scene: School library. Two jocks are sitting at a table - Barry (Joe) and Drew (Ken)
Barry: Attention Drew
Drew: Yeah Barry?
Barry: Look at that guy
*camera pans across to Guy (Ben) with a book
Drew: Yeah?
Barry: Look at him as he reads his book. By the wrinkles in his brow, one can imagine the giant word party going on in his overactive brain
Drew: Yeah yeah, big old word party in his head
Barry: To that guy, every paragraph is a warm embrace, every period a friendly goodbye. This guy right here, he's the ultimate...
A look of concern passes over Barry's face
Barry: Drew!
Drew: What?
Barry: Drew!
Drew: What?
Barry: Drew!
Drew: What?
Barry: There's a very good name for that
Drew: For what?
Barry: There's a very good name for a guy who reads ad infinitum
Drew: I had no idea
Barry: I must find this word or die. Oh most holy of Crusades, thou hast seduced me
Barry enters girls bathroom where various women and men-in-drag are smoking
Barry: Hello ladies
Assorted Ladies: Hi Barry
Barry: Endless apologies for the sudden entry but I find myself neck-deep in crisis. Question - what do you call a guy who can't KEEP HIS FACE OUT OF BOOKS?!! Temper check, okay. One who loves to read is called a...?
bafflement from the various members of The State in womens' clothing
Barry: Nothing? Nothing? Do we have it, are we there, do we have it, are we locked on? Everyone please, and the winner is?
Girl (M.I.B.): I dunno Barry, like, philosopher?
Barry: Silver medal prize, but no... Adios ladies, I must seek knowledge and its bastard son truth
"Ladies" wave goodbye
Cut to Counsellor Noonan's office, where Noonan (Mike S?) and Student (Tom) are talking
Student: You see, I have to wear this special kind of underwear
Noonan: What, is that like diapers or something?
Student: Sort of...
Barry enters and grabs the student and throws him out
Barry: Out! Let's go, let's go now, out! Goodbye
Noonan: Hey mister Toink, what brings you by?
Barry: Counsellor Noonan, never before have I needed your guidance and expertise more than I do now. What I need from you is a price-check on a word that describes someone who constantly has his nose in books. Who loves books. Who can't get enough books. Will name all his children Book! Worships a deity named book! CAPITAL BEE OH OH KAY! Temper check. Okay.
Noonan: Alright Barry, have you tried Bibliophile?
Barry: Are you asking if I am one or if they threaten my sexuality?
Noonan: Never mind. Hey, why don't you just go find one and ask him?
Barry: Once again, wisdom thrown down from the mountain. Mount Noonan. Exit Barry, a wiser man.
Cut to Library - Barry confronts the guy with the book
Barry: You! What do you call... you?
Guy: Bookworm?
Barry is blessed with enlightenment
Barry: Bookworm...
Barry punches the guy out and knocks him off his seat, then points at the guy
Barry: Bookworm!
Barry looks over at Drew
Barry: Bookworm, Drew.
Barry walks off
Caption: DREW FORTNER went on to live a normal life until the age of 30, when he discovered his neck.
Caption: Five minutes after talking to Barry, all four CHEERLEADERS drowned.
Caption: GIL NOONAN just completed the third volume of his autobiography titled "What's Noo with Noonan?"
Caption: BARRY TOINK, All American Cornerback, blew out his knee during a temper check.
Caption: While in recovery, he blew out his other knee and both elbows. He now works as an assistant clerk at the State Unemployment Office.

  • 1
Thanks for sharing. I found it very funny. :)

  • 1
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