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Take a peek inside my head, tell me what you see...
2012
unknownj
Ho hum... So Jen has started reading my personal entries. Not that I mind - they're about her, and I'm not saying anything secretive or anything... But I'm still going to write these private entries as if I'm the only one who can read them - seems the correct way to style them...

So anyhow, how do I feel? Well, looking through her replies to my private posts, I feel much better. Specific passages including:
"the only reason it all sounds the same to you is because i truly thought i would never have a chance with you, never, and i was too afraid to talk to you. so i rushed into tony because i wanted to be loved so badly and i wanted to say all of these things to someone, but you weren't available or throwing yourself at me. i just wanted to feel like someone cared."

*sigh*

How could she not think she would have a chance with me? I was crazy about her from the first moment I read through her journal - there was something so sweet about her that made me want for nothing more than to hold her, to protect her from the big bad world, or something. I took her off my friends list, because I was afraid - afraid that she'd reject me completely, afraid that she was in love with Brian and would never leave him, afraid that I wasn't good enough..... Then there's this:
"i don't know how long i can keep you a secret

i trust you completely, i give you my heart"

Now, if there's anything that can make my heart just melt completely, it's something like this - I'm a total sucker for people saying sweet things, and this comes under that heading very much :o)

And then there's the fact that she got jealous of Gabby.... There's nothing like a bit of insane jealousy to make you feel truly wanted - and there was something about this episode which made it seem even more special. I don't know what - perhaps her insistence that I'm hers. Oh God, I am so hers. I don't think I'm even mine any more.

All in all, I'm so much more happy now... I'm eternally glad that throwing myself at her actually worked - I was so scared of rejection, back when I sent that ICQ message telling her I had feelings for her.

Ooh, now she's poking me. Best send this, and get back to talking to her - who knows, maybe I'll be able to phone her soon - hooray :o)

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