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A long time ago indeed..
2012
unknownj
And so follows a few extracts from things I've written and didn't get around
to finishing.. in all cases, they're nothing more than an opening gambit,
and not to be taken to be complete..

Clouds on the moon
It was a Hollywood sky
I sat on the wall
'til your parents drove by
And I walked to your door
I remember how you smiled
Oh that was a long time ago


30.09.2005
It's funny how your perception of the world changes as you get older, and
gradually get assimilated into 'society'. It's actually a fascinating
process, and I only wish there was some sort of objective viewing platform
from which it were possible to look down on the whole thing. But of course
you have two choices - being within society, and being outside of it, and
neither of those gives you an objective opinion.

It's hard to tell whether it's the general process of growing up, or whether
it's something more specific.. in which case, is it that I now see the
world in more context than I used to, which gives me a renewed
understanding of the way in which it works? Or is it the other way around -
is the world telling *me* what my opinions should be? After all,
environment shapes the way you think.. Is this renewed understandin gof the
way in which things work inherently biased because I'm part of the system?

The main way in which all of this manifests itself is through my political
beliefs, and the ongoing struggle between what I think is right, and what I
think is for the best. For example, I think it's right that people should
be able to drink alcohol in pubs at any time of day. But then again, I think
it's possibly for the best if alcohol is less obtainable, more expensive,
and not even remotely marketed at kids.

The same goes for the whole civil liberties thing - on the one hand, people
should have all the freedom in the world, but on the other, I think perhaps
people can't be trusted with too much freedom, myself included. I think
that possibly it's the emergence of strong civil liberties that is
responsible for why it is that the world feels so alienating these days..
When there was less freedom, there was more structure and discipline which,
while not being so great for the soul, was possibly better for society's
overall sanity..

It's a difficult one, because this conflict gets into everything.. I think
taxes should be higher, so that programmes like care in the community can
receive the funding they require. I think more money needs to go into
public services. If paying higher taxes is the way forward, then let's go
for it.

Except, if taxes went up, then that would be equivalent to a pay cut. And I
don't really want a pay cut thank you very much. I'm fine with paying taxes
because they come out of my pay before I get it, so it's not a big deal, it
was never my money to have to pay out. But if, through higher taxation, my
net earnings decrease, then that's going to mess me up... It's just a
thought..

Your fault or mine
It's such a tough one to call
Did you one day look up to see
Your innocence fall
From a twelve storey window
To the concrete below
It was all such a long time ago


04.10.2005
I almost wish that I hadn't already heard five of the nine songs on this
album a thousand times.. And of the four new songs, I've heard at least
three of them live a couple of times. I say this because, if these songs
were slightly newer, this would be my favourite album of all time, without a
doubt. As it is, I've had the mp3s from the five track demo for the last
ten months or so. I was listening to I Don't Care What You Call Me on my
way back from our second date..

That said, this album comes pre-loaded with memories and a general feeling
of crisp winter mornings. As autumn accelerates towards winter, I
practically crave Christmas, such is my sentimentality for the season.. And
having a new album that comes with Christmas memories already built in is
rather neat..

Now your path and mine
They never seem to converge
And now sat here in God knows where
With a mouthful of words
Well they just sound like noises
If you say them enough
It was all such a long time ago
Now was it though?


14.10.2005
It's funny how sometimes you can feel like everything has fallen into place
together, only to realise that it's not entirely the right place that
they've fallen into.. And that everything is right except for just that one
thing which makes everything else instantly wrong. Which is not necessarily
to say that that's how I feel, certainly not all the time.. I think it's
just the whole adjustment thing kicking in..

It's slowly dawning on me more and more that things are different, I live
somewhere else, I work somewhere else, and the past five years feels almost
like a dream now.. After all, when I left home to go to uni, I still
visited and stuff. But now my only connection to the life I left behind is
via e-mails to my former colleagues. It's not quite the same.. And there's
this powerful feeling of displacement that just sets off all the wrong
neuroses in my head..

I guess it comes down to nerves, or something.. that fear that while I feel
like I've made all the right decisions thus far, that won't necessarily
continue.. Not wishing to sound too dramatic, but it just feels like my
entire life is hanging by a thread..

In some underground saloon
Where you can always get a drink
There's a girl by the cigarette machine
And I think
I'll strike up a conversation
But I wouldn't know how
Doesn't seem such a good idea now


Yesterday..
I'm now hurtling towards the end of my sixth week here.. And in exactly six
weeks, I shall be turning 24, which is a pretty good age really. It's a
good round number (for a given definition of round), though it does very
much cement my position in the "twentysomething" category.. I'm quite glad
that I got this new job, if only so that when I look back at my life, I
feel like I've achieved that little bit more..

See, now I get to tell people "I work in Marketing", or "I'm a Marketing
Analyst", rather than the standard "I work for a bank".. I don't know why
it feels like such a marked difference, but it just seems like career-wise,
I have something I can be a little more proud of.. And I certainly don't
have any regrets about the way that uni turned out, given that things are
properly on track now.

With the clouds on the moon
Another hollywood sky
It's time to drag myself home
And to wonder just why
I still think of you now
Only as you were then
It was all such a long time ago
Or was it though?


The Present Day..
And, back to now, and I've still not written anything actually complete.. Oh
well, maybe some other time :o)

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Somehow it's all a famaliar feeling though isn't it?

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?

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