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Let me tell you a story...
I don't recall telling this one before. And after either coming onto me the other day, or trying to make me jealous (I don't recall which), the person involved has annoyed me sufficiently that now I shall explain what went on....

So, our story starts in April 2000. I meet this girl online called Liz. We seem to click instantly, which I was quite a fan of. After the success I'd enjoyed with Karen (well, until the end), I was pretty much into the whole Internet-relationship idea at this point. I started really feeling nice emotions towards her - nothing too serious, but it felt great. The problem - she had a boyfriend.

However, after she kept continually flirting with me, and telling me what an arse her boyfriend was, I decided "to hell with it". So I managed to convince her into having "an affair" with me. I figured I could make her happier than he could. Anyhow, so we agree to meet up. May comes, and I decide that I can't wait any longer, and decide on impulse that I'll visit her the following weekend (and this on a Wednesday). We arrange for me to go visit her, and so I do.

All fine so far. Introducing two new characters into the story - Larissa, Liz's best friend, and Gavin, Larissa's (Internet) boyfriend (who is coming to visit her too). So anyhow, I arrive at the station, meet Liz, we get on really well, there's kissing and stuff going on. We then meet up with Gavin and Larissa, and go down to the pub. This was back when I was still on the old Archers, so I just had lots and lots of doubles - Gavin paid. I can't help but wonder if he was a criminal or something.... :o)

Anyway, Liz was drinking Vodka and Orange. Well, that's what she was ordering. What Gavin was buying her was Double Vodka and Orange. She got drunker than she realised at first. After about three or four, she realised that they were doubles. She had another few. We then went outside, more kissing and "stuff" going on (no details, sorry). 2am comes, and we get a taxi back to the hotel where Gavin and I are staying. We both adjourn to our respective rooms, avec our girl of choice, and... well... "Stuff".

The next day arrives, and we go to Brecon, which was really lovely. Liz and I took every opportunity we could to get alone together, and get down to lots of kissing and stuff. All very lovey dovey. And it wasn't just kissing. I'm not going into what, just saying that because it matters for later.

Anyway, I go home, and really miss her. Everything is fine for a day or two, but then, things start to go bad. Very bad. In short, she decides that I had conspired with Gavin to get her deliberately more drunk than she was aware (by giving her doubles), and that I had subsequently taken advantage of her. She then tells this to all her friends (who I got on with rather well until then, I must say), and stuff. So basically, the girl I'm really fond of, attached to, who I'm feeling genuinely good emotions toward, is telling me and all her friends that I took advantage.

Let's just look at the evidence here for a second... For starters, I did not ask Gavin to buy her doubles - I didn't even know she was having doubles. Secondly, she was all lovey-dovey the day after (and then some), which suggests very strongly that it wasn't all under the influence of alcohol. I point this out to her. I also point out the fact that nothing happened that she hadn't already spoken about happening...

Her defence was that she never intended for anything to happen. That she had been leading me on the whole time, without intending for stuff to happen, and that the only reason it did was because she was too drunk. Now, I know the second part of this is false - we kissed quite a bit before any alcohol was consumed, and did stuff after she sobered up. However, the whole fact that she could accuse me of doing that, when she knew it was untrue, coupled with my own doubts (in retrospect, I know I did nothing wrong, but at the time, it was my memory (and I was drunk), against what she was telling me, and I respected her to the point where I didn't believe she was lying) totally messed me up. I worried that I was a really bad person, and it practically destroyed me. Then when I came to realise that she was inventing it all, all my pent up anger and hurt went straight to whatever part of me cared for her, and pretty much fucked up my emotions. Let's not go into how I took my revenge on her right now...

So yes, the last girl I really trusted my heart to managed to effectively accuse me of date-rape, and made me lose all trust in girls. This is why it's taken me about a year to actually get my head sorted. And this is why many of my flatmates (but not Claire, interestingly enough) think me an emotional retard.

Anyhow, I'm sure I've said all this before (perhaps restricted though), but heck, it's always worth saying twice.... This is why sometimes I might be slightly messed up.

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online relationships are hell
they truly suck
and they can hurt a lot more aswell
especially when everything is rubbed in your face afterwards
and you're not meant to care
you're just meant to move on
oneday, people will realise that other people have feelings aswell

*sideways glance*


And believe me, I've had enough online relationships to know how bad they can be. But at the same time, often the good outweighs the bad. And moving on is the way to stop things being rubbed in your face - in the past, I've found that a clean break allows me to keep the good memories, and limits the number of bad ones I have...

wow if i were you i would be incredibly pissed. doesn't it suck when things like that happen? you think everything is great but it blows up in your face...and you wonder what happened.

Heh... I was incredibly pissed, yes. Once I realised how evil she'd been to me... well... let's just say that she's the only person I can truly say I've ever hated. As a result, she got what she deserved (no, nothing that bad, don't panic :o)

And yes, life has a habit of doing things like that, and usually it seems to be doing it to me :o)

i understand completely! because stuff like that happens to me all the time. like my whole life has been one gigantic screw up. and i'm not even exaggerating.

Indeed... There's no explanation other than that one's life is just one big mess.

Thankfully, that particular thought doesn't generally stay long - especially if confronted with either good things happening in your life, or alcohol happening in your life :o)

Not that alcohol solves anything per se - but if you can't remember your problems, who's to say they exist? ;o)

spoken like a true genius. i think i'd have to agree with you on that one.

my problems only control my life until something good happens to me. then i tend to forget about them for awhile... and then...something bad happens. it's basically one big viscious cycle. but it makes my life more interesting.

Everything I say is spoken like a true genius. It's just that a lot of it is spoken like a true genius who is trying to sound very stupid ;o)

And bad things do indeed make life interesting - however, I have this theory that if only good things happened, my life would also be interesting. Ah, if only I could test that particular theory... :o)

now wouldn't that be nice. only good things happening in my life...could be possible. definitely worth looking in to.

If you discover the secret, please tell me - I wouldn't mind knowing :o)

no problem, it might take me awhile, but i'm sure i could come up with something. =)

I'd offer to help, but if I find out, rather than telling anybody, I'm just going to sell the secret for a lot of money. I can't risk you knowing, see - otherwise, people might get the secret from you, and not pay me ;o)

selfish aren't we? you wouldn't share with me? i promise i wouldn't tell anyone. it could be our secret... ;)


... OK then, it'll be our secret ;o)

sounds like a plan. where were you when i was in england over new years? alot of very interesting things happened over there...

See this link for a (perhaps overly) graphic description of my New Years, including details about my whereabouts (I expect)...

(in short, I was here, at Uni in Brighton, celebrating with my flatmates, having a LOT of fun)

interesting...very interesting...i don't think i had as much fun as you, but still, it was entertaining. and that's all that matters.

So do tell - what did you do? :o)

oohh nothing. i went to a party and hung out with the guys most of the time. got in a fight with one of them. danced and stuff. nothing much. haha i'm not THAT bad...=)

Ah, still sounds fun (well, aside from the fight)...

So when are you next coming to England? ;o)

well..actually i don't know when i'm coming to england again...i actually like it alot there. wouldn't mind living there. but everyone i've talked to that lives there says it sucks...sooo..i don't know. i have cousins who live in london. i might visit them sometime.

I don't think it sucks, and I ought to know... :o)

I would agree with that but anyone reading your journal might think otherwise...

Does anything you write about here have a truly happy ending?

You don't seem messed up. *HUG* She seems like a complete arse, though. :-(

I am (or was) messed up. I hide it under a sarcastic defence system. But I think I'm sorted now...

:-\ That's the rotten thing ... one person just being their usual shithead self can screw you up for SO long. :-(

Well, for what my opinion is worth, I think you're lovely, and I'd never believe anyone that said what she said of you. *HUG*

Indeed it can... *sigh*

I think I'm lovely too. But it's a hard thought to maintain when you're wondering whether you've done something really evil and just forgotten it... Bah, I got back at her though :o)


Yeah, I know ... it's damaging to your opinion of yourself just to hear that someone HAS that bad an opinion of you. (been through that recently myself)

I'd love to know what you did to get even ... I'm sure this isn't the place for it, though, and it's your own business. ;-) I'm sure it would carry the lovely James Seal of Evilness. ;-)

Indeed - I hated myself after she did that. And I mean really hated myself, because somebody believed I could do that. When I found out she didn't believe that, I had an excess of hatred. This is the reason why I actually hate her. Never hated anybody, because I'm not the sort of person who can. I can only hate myself. But then she transferred that.....

As for what I did - let's just say that I played with her emotions rather a lot for many months (about 10) afterwards, until I finally grew up and decided that revenge is petty and futile. Right now, I don't know who came out the most scarred from that whole thing, me or her. While I try to be a nice person usually, I hope it was her, because I certainly didn't deserve it. I was never quite this cynical until she messed me up.


*very big hug*

I'm sorry you had to go through that. :-(


Now, back to you - who on earth had a bad opinion of you? Because whoever it is, they need a darned good reality check :o)

Oh thank you. :-) *HUG*

Ugh, that's a weird one. Sort of a long-distance relationship with someone that already has a girlfriend (and always did - one of those 'open relationship' things, I'm not too sure they ever DO work out), I've spent a total of about six weeks with him, the last time being almost 6 years ago.

The longer this thing went on from a distance (by mail and chat and phone and all that), the more clingy he got, being incredibly envious of anything or anyone that took up my time and trying to say how selfish I was ... if I made time to chat with him, it wasn't long enough, or wasn't GOOD enough because it chat instead of phone ... and then the phone calls weren't long enouhg, or we didn't talk about what he really felt like talking about, blahblahblahblah.

So things kept getting worse, and I was trying to suggest that he should back off and concentrate on his girlfriend a bit more (or find someone else to be the 'alternate girlfriend'), and he finally went quite thoroughly mad and gave me 'fine, let's be JUST friends' ('friends' delivered with this dripping sarcasm that is meant to suggest it's anything BUT friends) business about a year ago. He writes occasionally to try and make me feel incredibly guilty for the fact that he's not happy with his life (spoiled little git is bloody wealthy and has quite a fine life)... the latest news is that he's 'in therapy' and this too, of course, is MY fault because I'm so self-centred.

*bangs head on desk*

Oooooooooh welllllllllllll .... %-) [that'll teach me to get involved with weird people ;-). He seemed so lovely that first year or so, that's the sad bit, but of course in hindsight you do see what a manipulative bugger he was THEN too]

:-) I really needed that hug, thank you so much *HUG* - he's buggered off on a week's holiday now (which I'm sure he'll do his best to not enjoy, just on principle), so fortunately I won't have to hear more about it. ;-)

But I have an idea of what you meant earlier - if you think of yourself as a nice person and bloody well WORK at being nice, even at the times that being nice meant you got shat upon ... wow it hurts to have someone be that rotten to you, and then blame it on you!

I'm not in a place to comment about the story (though the word "stuff" has never seemed so intriguing), but I would like to say that sarcastic defence mechanisms rock.

Combine it with one damn fine superiority complex and no one need know what's going on up there :-)

"Stuff" is a fun way of describing anything :o)

Sarcasm defence mechanisms, plus a huge superiority complex, plus being able to shout a lot louder than everybody else... These are the ingredients to make a great person, who nobody can really touch :o)

Add a propensity for pissy lager of strong ale and I think you've just described every male on this fair isle.

sniffle, brings a tear to your eye doesn't it?

*opens arms*

i know you're not an emotional retard. i know what it's like to be fucked with twenty times over.

i'm here for you when you need to vent.


I know, and thanks :o)

I'm shitfaced down in the gutter again.
King Alcohol is a dangerous friend.

As the girl who was there to pick up the little pieces of my webley I would like to state that I HATE THAT GIRL AND I HOPE SHE NEVER MEETS ME...however brecon is very close to my uni...but I donb't know what the bitch looks like so shes safe for a while.Humph :-(

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