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Lately..
2012
unknownj
My dreams of late have been odd.. I recently reassembled my bed, vaguely,
and so now I can actually stop sleeping on the floor. But the first night of
sleeping on it, I dreamed that it collapsed (at least once), and spent the
whole night waking up every half hour just to check that I was still on the
bed. Very annoying.

But mostly it was last night - I had a dream which rather challenged my
perception of myself, in a weird way.. Without going into details, the
events of the dream were fun (though not in any dodgy way), but the
motivation behind it wasn't morally sound... I guess stuff like that always
gets me thinking about why I do things, because there are few actions I take
in life that come without some over-thought-out agenda behind them.

I guess a lot of the time, I just act as a servant to my own happiness, and
that the most important thing in my decision making process is quite how
happy I'll be at the end of things. Which I still maintain is the correct
approach, if looked at from a high level. I suppose the main issue is that
decisions which make others unhappy should in turn affect my end-happiness,
which is where the process rather falls down sometimes. The best example
would be taking candy from a baby - my sense of morality means that, if I
were to take the candy, I would feel guilt, which would adversely impact on
my happiness. And therefore, I don't do it.

So really, the decisions aren't made by my sense of morality at all, but by
some other factor which sometimes includes the moral outcome of what I'm
doing.. and sometimes it doesn't. I suppose the main issues are those of
deceit, and the old "what you don't know can't hurt you" saying. In those
cases, the sum total of happiness in the world is best served by following
the morally incorrect path, and it's at those times that my sense of
morality sometimes has trouble overpowering the voice in my head that says
"everybody would be better off this way".

So what it really takes is for a situation to arise that would be better if
people were morally good, but less happy. At that point where it becomes
apparent that I owe the truth to somebody, or where I feel that the world
would be a better place if there was more honesty - that's the point where I
actually become properly honest. I guess I just need to encourage that to
happen more often...

Just a thought...

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Thing is though, if you're making up your own rules, can't you just decide that there's nothing wrong with taking candy from a baby and hence stop the guilt? Surely the fact that you assume taking candy from a baby will always induce guilt implies that you actually believe in some imposed moral standard that you have no control over.

utilitarianism might be a name for it.

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