Previous Entry Share Next Entry
Store Cards? No thanks - I've got Death!
2012
unknownj
Welcome to Death, the amazing rewards programme launched in conjunction with the United States Armed Forces, and participating coalitions.

Death is an exciting reward programme which lets you collect tragic incidents in countries all over the world, and exchange them for political capital. So now it's easier for you to gain more persuasive power in policy matters than ever before. And the more points you have, the more of our fantastic rewards you'll be able to enjoy! The Death card really does turn tragedy into a political commodity!

There are many ways to accumulate a lot of Death points, from military mis-management, to an ill-advised foreign policy which leads your enemies to commit acts of terrorism against you. It's up to you how you earn your points, and how you use them.

Take a look at just a few of the offers we currently run:

1 Point For residents in any of the 38 US states with the death penalty, 1 point will entitle you to electrocute or lethally inject the African American scapegoat of your choice.

100 Points For the Democrats among you, 100 points will win you a pair of testicles. You can use these to finally raise those questions you always meant to ask - for instance, about the validity of a war that you forgot to adequately oppose beforehand.

2,752 Points For the high death toll collectors, 2752 points will allow you to gain backing from Congress for a War On [insert cause of your choice here]. With a budget of $80bn, the world is yours for the taking!

6,000,000+ Points In the event of a holocaust, the Death scheme will ensure sufficient guilt throughout the world that nobody will be able to question you or your race ever again. Furthermore, this offer includes the Holy Land of your (or your deity's) choice.

SPECIAL OFFER
For the month of Ramadan only, you get double points for any death relating to Jihad

Ask at your nearest branch of government for more information.

  • 1
bad day politically, perhaps?
this is what... you're third or fourth entry on a similar topic?

I've been in bed all day, I had to do something with my time :o)

that works.
feel better, dude.

Classic actually. Absolutely brilliant.

Or at least I think it's funny.

  • 1
?

Log in

No account? Create an account