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(no subject)
2012
unknownj
You know when you think to yourself that, no matter how old you get, you'll be the same "you"?

Well, I've just realised that I'm not the same "me" as I used to be, not at all. I look at how I was two and a half years ago, and I feel so much detachment - certainly, it's the same writing style on my journal, and I recognise certain thoughts, but that guy's brain is wired up so differently to mine...

I don't know if it's bad or not. Well, no, it's not. But it makes the future a little worrying - what if the "me" I am in 10 years is not somebody I want to be? I always hoped that the "me" of now would half the approval of every past "me", that the past "me"'s would understand my life. But it's weird to see the "me" of two and a half years ago, thinking so differently to how I think now. He was a totally different person, and I just hope that my capacity for change never lends itself to any negative outcome...

When I was 17, I was very much against alcohol, I thought it was awful. I know that the 17-year-old Me would not entirely approve of me drinking at 21...

Right now, there are many things that I think are awful, and I sincerely hope that I will continue to think this in the future, rather than find some rationalisation to excuse their incorporation into my nature...

I feel so different to how I felt back then - the difference is practically tangible. When I read my journal from three years ago, I can no longer even imagine being that person, and while the experiences I had then contribute to who I am now, I don't think my way of thinking at the time especially does. My moral outlook at the time was based on my experiences up to that point. My moral outlook right now is based on my experiences up to now.

What if in ten years time, my more recent experiences promote a different moral outlook, and override my previous experiences? What if these new experiences turn me into a person that I don't want to be right now?

Right now, feeling different to my old self doesn't bother me. I mean, why should it? I very much like who I am now. I'm far more socially capable, and generally understand the world far more... I just worry that the next transition might be less favourable, objectively. An impartial observer might see who I am in the future and think I was doing a better job in the past.

I mean, 18 months ago, I was more morally strict than I am now. I'd never had full-on sex, never technically dumped anybody, and things were just very different. Now my attitude is far more casual, and I can't be sure that I would have approved. I don't like that trend.

I don't know, this is rambling, and most of it is copied and pasted from a conversation I was having, so it might not make all that much sense. I just want to be able to say, at age X, that at every point of my life up to then, I would have approved of how I was living my life at age X. I never want to be a person that an older version of me wouldn't like.

I think the writer's block is starting to slip....

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i've given this thought as well (though never really looked back on journal stuff to compare; hell, stuff i wrote the night before whilst wasted embarasses me, haha). the most obvious example is with considering tattoos. i wonder if i will significantly change in later life, so much so that i will actively regret having x tattooed on me?

then i think, if this future-me differed from me so wildly in thought, philosophical, ethical, political... fuck 'em. :D

doubtless a flawed approach, but i'm cool with it.

Awareness

(Anonymous)
I think when you're younger, you accept traits of your personality (whether rational or irrational) as they are, without needing a reason for them to be. As time passes, events are testing those traits and you have the opportunity to either stand by your traits or change them, stapling a reason to them.

Some people handle those opportunities carelessly and end up being the slaves of fate. Others take those opportunities with more concern of the consequences, and I believe those people have the power to shape their destiny.

Usually what happens to me, is I realize that an event was opportunistic too late: I was careless about it. But when you realize that and take time to ponder what happened and your reaction to it, you cannot change the past, but at least you are forging your future self.

For the only reason that you are thinking what you are thinking now, I don't believe your current self would ever hate who you'll become. Awareness is the key.

By the way I'm 30.

I think the writer's block is starting to slip....

When did it start?

Week or two ago... ever since I got my results, I've not had the willpower to write anything much

I don't think anyone can look back on who they were 2 1/2 years ago, and honestly say they are the same person, especially when that time has involved as much change as it will have done for you - you've left home and gone to Uni for one thing. That's a hell of a change, and in my experience changed me a lot. I met new people, was suddenly living by myself, making new choices and most importantly making my own decisions. I was able to get away from the people who I had felt had hurt me, and away from people's preconceptions of me. I knew one person at this entire Uni, but I have people now I would class as close friends, am active in societies and stuff and am doing stuff I would have never dared 3 years ago - and I know, from talking to you that you are in a similar position, you're doing stuff you never would have thought you would be.

We do learn from experiences, and undoubtedly, things that have happened to us in the past will affect our lives now with regards to decisions, opinions and views. However, what we're living through now will also change us, and yes, in 10 years ago you will be a very different you. You make look back on things and wish you had done things differently - but you can't change things that have gone and there is no point wishing you could do. What you can do is learn from what happened and apply it to now, use it to make what you feel are the right decisions now.

I'll leave it now, I feel I am starting tio ramble ;-)

The Buddha (I'm a Buddhist btw) said that 'the only permanent thing in this world is change'.

This applies to one, and everyone, and everything around us.

x

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