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Dear Santa,

I have been a good interplanetary being.

It really wasn't my fault what happened at David's Christmas party. It was Jimbo who spiked the punch with too much Vodka. I can't help it if I drank 81 glasses. It was so good---smelled and tasted just like chocolate.

I thought it was funny when I put Vicky's Bra on my head and danced the Funky Gibbon on the Bed while singing `A Hard Day's Night'. I didn't mean to break David's Vibrator and don't know why David would sue me for First degree homicide.

I don't remember calling Chas's wife a Unknown Sheep---even though she looked like one with Purple eye shadow and Pink lipstick!

And when I threw up on Petra's husband's Arse, it was only because I ate too much of that Toast.

After all that fun, I admit I was a little tired. So I fell asleep on my way home and drove my Harrier jumpjet through my neighbor's Bathroom. I don't think that was any reason for my neighbor to call me a Deranged Muppet and have me arrested for Rape!

So, I sit in my jail cell on Christmas Eve, all Arcane and Inane. And I'm really not to blame for any of this Mythical stuff. Please bring me what I want the most---bail money!

Sincerely and Fastidiously yours,
Jamie (Really a nice interplanetary being!)

P.S. It's only 23 bucks!

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"A Deranged Muppet"

That is wonderful.

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